Change of Heart

By change of heart, I am not referring to the Yu-Gi-Oh card...or maybe I am...who knows..

A sudden realization that a person may have a change of heart and so easily has hit me yesterday. I found out that a friend of mine went from undecided about a major in her future to decided. She had been thinking about going into different  majors throughout this year. First off it was fashion then she switched to business because her mother wouldn't let her major in fashion...and now she wants to be a pharmacist. The correlation between these majors...NONE. They're all quite far apart....on a different branch if one were to place each on a tree. 

I sat around thinking about my choice of career. I too wish to be a pharmacist one day. I've always had this dream, ever since I was in middle school. There are many others who wish to become one as well...so I wondered...am I becoming one for the right reasons? 

My reasons for becoming a pharmacist: 
1. I was inspired by my sister's friend, who is a pharmacist and has told me great things about her job. 
2. A few of the great things I've heard from this friend of my sister's are that I'll be able to meet many people. 
3. Another would be I'd know many diseases and cures for it. 
4. I will be STANDING. I like to stand, sitting makes me feel lazy. Plus I do it in school so much I NEED to stand. 
5. I'll make a good amount of money and with this I will be able to provide for my family. 
6. I can help people. 
7. I'll be almost like a doctor. Right?

I had a dream of being many things when I was younger...but the biggest one was doctor. It's unfortunate that my fear of blood prevents me from doing many things in the medicine field..I know that I can be a specialty doctor and focus on ONE body part. But...I can't choose A body part. That's so BORING! I'd get sick of looking at the same thing over and over and over and over again. 

I really want to help people. I truly honestly do. I want to help the less fortunate, those who are unable to obtain the right treatment they need. Money is a major issue for some people and I know there are people who, if they do not have any help from the government (medicaid, medicare, etc.), are unable to go to the doctors. I feel horrible for that and I wish to go from place to place helping others. Perhaps I'd be a traveling doctor, or something like that. Of course I wouldn't be able to gain much money unless I open a clinic or work in a hospital. So I'd probably be a "traveling doctor" on particular days. Wouldn't that be nice? *sigh* It feels like I'd inch more towards that...but my last reason for being a pharmacist is...a crucial one. 

Honestly, the last reason is...time. It takes a long time to become a doctor and I don't mind! But it's time...time is so short....I have to be able to help take care of my family and it has to be a job that makes a good deal of money. To become a doctor would take a little longer than a pharmacist and that's what made my decision for me. I'll be working really hard to achieve my goal....becoming a pharmacist... 

This is a really long post...it's interesting. Why do I write my thoughts out on here? I don't really want people to read this..they'll judge me for what I write. I'd show this to friends but as I said, they'd judge me for what I write. They'd read this and I'll feel exposed. That's why I haven't really given my link to anyone yet..

I hope that whoever reads my posts though....doesn't feel like it was a waste of their time. 

But you see my issue with this is...I guess I'm scared of change. It's so easy to change your heart I see. What if I go through life changing from career to career? It sounds so exhausting. I dunno..it's a toss between pharmacist and doctor. I never gave being a doctor much thought because it seems so ...long. You go through all that and then you have to build a clientele. That is not easy. There are many many doctors. Where will you work? Who will come to you? Pediatrician...hmmm.... 

Change of hearts...if people can change their minds so easily when it comes to their future. What about a change of heart towards your loved one? The heart can be so evil. It changes feelings so quickly. Any marriage or relationship that lasts without falling into the heart's trap is amazing. I truly hope it doesn't happen to anyone I know. 

Walking Side by Side

He said, "You are the love of my life...so long as you'll have me. My parents have guided me to independence, but you'll be walking with me for the rest of my life." 

Can you believe that? I felt...I don't know...I mean he's never really the type to say something so romantic. He is my boyfriend but when he tells me he cares about me it's never to this extent. We had a really deep conversation and he told me he loves me greatly. I responded with the same words but I reminded him not to put me ahead of his family. He questioned this and was upset because this whole time he's put me above his family. He loves me and focuses on me more. I felt so horrible, so disrespectful. I haven't been keeping him from his family, they after all live in a different state from us at the moment. So we're in Maryland...and they're in Minnesota...(because of their jobs). He's staying here to finish schooling. So he and I got into a bit of an argument over what he had said. He shouldn't say something like that, he'll hurt his family's feelings and he'll sound disrespectful. 

I realized that people love others differently. For me..he is at the same level as my family because that's as high as it can get. Whereas he is able to put me above them...I feel awful...I feel like I should do the same but I can't. Perhaps I do place him first for certain things but I can't say that he's above my family...Blah

I love him though and I feel so happy and lucky that he can say such a thing. I know I'm hard to deal with because I get outrageously jealous :P *sigh* we're ok with it now, I've learned to control it and he's learned to control his jealousy as well. 

I do truly honestly hope that we will be that lucky high school couple that will stay together. I hope that in the future we will be able to settle down and have children. I know it's silly to even be thinking of it, after all I'm only 17 1/2. But I really do feel that I can be with him for the rest of my life. I accept him for who he is and I know I won't regret it. Love....is such a powerful thing...it can make one the happiest person in the world....but it can also make one the saddest person in the world. Only time can tell.....