Friends in secret places.

There are friends and then there are FRIENDS. I have made many friends within my high school years but after all this...all four years...I don't know if I've ever felt so touched before. There's this acquaintance of mine, his name is Alec. He was an acquaintance but now he's become one of my really great friends. It's amazing how I simply opened up to him one day and he changed. He went from the kind of guy who jokes around and teases others (along with being a smartypants knowitall) to a really sweet, understanding, and thoughtful person. He really listens and does his best to help. When my sponsor passed away (which was last week wednesday) I was so depressed. I felt like it was all my fault. I felt like I didn't visit her and that I didn't do anything to try to help her. How could I have not known that my sponsor was ill? Here's what went down that day: 

Alec (9:20:58 PM): yo Sayuri 
Alec (9:21:01 PM): I got a question 
Me (9:21:44 PM): Sure?
Alec (9:21:51 PM): how are you 
Alec (9:21:53 PM): ? 
Alec (9:21:56 PM): that's the question 
Me (9:22:14 PM): I could be a lot better
Me (9:22:15 PM): and you?
Alec (9:22:23 PM): aiight 
Alec (9:22:24 PM): why 
Alec (9:22:26 PM): what's wrong 
Me (9:27:38 PM): Someone close to me passed away
Alec (9:28:27 PM): oh god 
Alec (9:28:29 PM): sorry Sayuri 
Alec (9:28:53 PM): you've probably heard this alot 
Alec (9:28:58 PM): but if there's anything I can do 
Alec (9:29:00 PM): just ask 
Me (9:32:24 PM): Awwww
Me (9:32:33 PM): Thank you Alec
Me (9:32:52 PM): Just hearing that made me feel better :]
Alec (9:33:22 PM): great 
Me (9:34:38 PM): Did you ever experience someone passing away?
Alec (9:35:58 PM): uhhhh 
Alec (9:36:07 PM): to the extent that you're feeling, no 
Alec (9:36:12 PM): but I know alot of people who have 
Alec (9:36:20 PM): and this is their philosophy 
Alec (9:36:24 PM): they live on through their heart 
Alec (9:36:29 PM): that sounds like a load of bs 
Alec (9:36:35 PM): but if you think about it existentially 
Alec (9:36:38 PM): it is completely true 
Alec (9:36:53 PM): you're comrade might be dead, but he/she is not forgotten 
Alec (9:36:56 PM): take solace in that 
Me (9:38:13 PM): ;_; aww
Alec (9:38:25 PM): do I know him/her 
Me (9:38:40 PM): Oh probably not, she's my sponsor at church
Me (9:38:45 PM): I really cared about her though
Alec (9:38:45 PM): oooohhhh 
Alec (9:38:53 PM): well I hope my words help 
Me (9:38:57 PM): They do
Me (9:39:15 PM): I just wish she didn't have to go..
Alec (9:39:33 PM): "have to" is a funny phrase 
Alec (9:39:37 PM): if you're religious 
Alec (9:39:44 PM): it implies it is God's great plan 
Alec (9:39:49 PM): if that's what you believe 
Alec (9:40:00 PM): you can also take solace in the fact that he had the correct motives 
Me (9:40:31 PM): i know, I know she's probably really happy in heaven but I wanted to spend more time with her ;[
Me (9:40:43 PM): I wanted to give back the kindness she always gave me
Alec (9:40:51 PM): hmmmmmm 
Alec (9:40:59 PM): well that's easy 
Alec (9:41:03 PM): pray 
Alec (9:41:13 PM): I"m not religious in the christain sense 
Alec (9:41:18 PM): but you're going to do her good 
Alec (9:41:40 PM): and your perception of her (which is really her) by devoting time to thinking about her 
Alec (9:41:57 PM): nothing can't be done 
Me (9:42:24 PM): Thanks =] 
Me (9:42:30 PM): I didn't think of that
Me (9:42:36 PM): >.<>

I look at this situation and I feel...blessed. Although I feel stupid as well. How could I have no seen such a great friend before? There are probably many other people around me whom I have never bothered to TRULY get to know. I wish I had more time to get to know everyone now...but I fear it might be too late. June is coming up soon. It's a shame to see everyone go their separate ways. Then again, it might be for the best because we'll all meet new people. We'll have new experiences, good and bad. 

Ahh I don't know why, I was actually going to give up writing blogs. But I felt the urge to write this one. This feeling inside just makes me want to write. I hope that people out there will find friends who are like this. Friends who genuinely care, or even an acquaintance, because it shows how great they are. 

Of course, a great friend cannot take the place of that of a boyfriend/girlfriend. That person is your best friend and should be the best male/female friend you have. Having any other person that comes close to your boyfriend/girlfriend is not right as it may develop feelings of jealousy/envy as well as insecurities for your loved one. So be careful!~

Sayuri<3

Change of Heart

By change of heart, I am not referring to the Yu-Gi-Oh card...or maybe I am...who knows..

A sudden realization that a person may have a change of heart and so easily has hit me yesterday. I found out that a friend of mine went from undecided about a major in her future to decided. She had been thinking about going into different  majors throughout this year. First off it was fashion then she switched to business because her mother wouldn't let her major in fashion...and now she wants to be a pharmacist. The correlation between these majors...NONE. They're all quite far apart....on a different branch if one were to place each on a tree. 

I sat around thinking about my choice of career. I too wish to be a pharmacist one day. I've always had this dream, ever since I was in middle school. There are many others who wish to become one as well...so I wondered...am I becoming one for the right reasons? 

My reasons for becoming a pharmacist: 
1. I was inspired by my sister's friend, who is a pharmacist and has told me great things about her job. 
2. A few of the great things I've heard from this friend of my sister's are that I'll be able to meet many people. 
3. Another would be I'd know many diseases and cures for it. 
4. I will be STANDING. I like to stand, sitting makes me feel lazy. Plus I do it in school so much I NEED to stand. 
5. I'll make a good amount of money and with this I will be able to provide for my family. 
6. I can help people. 
7. I'll be almost like a doctor. Right?

I had a dream of being many things when I was younger...but the biggest one was doctor. It's unfortunate that my fear of blood prevents me from doing many things in the medicine field..I know that I can be a specialty doctor and focus on ONE body part. But...I can't choose A body part. That's so BORING! I'd get sick of looking at the same thing over and over and over and over again. 

I really want to help people. I truly honestly do. I want to help the less fortunate, those who are unable to obtain the right treatment they need. Money is a major issue for some people and I know there are people who, if they do not have any help from the government (medicaid, medicare, etc.), are unable to go to the doctors. I feel horrible for that and I wish to go from place to place helping others. Perhaps I'd be a traveling doctor, or something like that. Of course I wouldn't be able to gain much money unless I open a clinic or work in a hospital. So I'd probably be a "traveling doctor" on particular days. Wouldn't that be nice? *sigh* It feels like I'd inch more towards that...but my last reason for being a pharmacist is...a crucial one. 

Honestly, the last reason is...time. It takes a long time to become a doctor and I don't mind! But it's time...time is so short....I have to be able to help take care of my family and it has to be a job that makes a good deal of money. To become a doctor would take a little longer than a pharmacist and that's what made my decision for me. I'll be working really hard to achieve my goal....becoming a pharmacist... 

This is a really long post...it's interesting. Why do I write my thoughts out on here? I don't really want people to read this..they'll judge me for what I write. I'd show this to friends but as I said, they'd judge me for what I write. They'd read this and I'll feel exposed. That's why I haven't really given my link to anyone yet..

I hope that whoever reads my posts though....doesn't feel like it was a waste of their time. 

But you see my issue with this is...I guess I'm scared of change. It's so easy to change your heart I see. What if I go through life changing from career to career? It sounds so exhausting. I dunno..it's a toss between pharmacist and doctor. I never gave being a doctor much thought because it seems so ...long. You go through all that and then you have to build a clientele. That is not easy. There are many many doctors. Where will you work? Who will come to you? Pediatrician...hmmm.... 

Change of hearts...if people can change their minds so easily when it comes to their future. What about a change of heart towards your loved one? The heart can be so evil. It changes feelings so quickly. Any marriage or relationship that lasts without falling into the heart's trap is amazing. I truly hope it doesn't happen to anyone I know. 

Walking Side by Side

He said, "You are the love of my life...so long as you'll have me. My parents have guided me to independence, but you'll be walking with me for the rest of my life." 

Can you believe that? I felt...I don't know...I mean he's never really the type to say something so romantic. He is my boyfriend but when he tells me he cares about me it's never to this extent. We had a really deep conversation and he told me he loves me greatly. I responded with the same words but I reminded him not to put me ahead of his family. He questioned this and was upset because this whole time he's put me above his family. He loves me and focuses on me more. I felt so horrible, so disrespectful. I haven't been keeping him from his family, they after all live in a different state from us at the moment. So we're in Maryland...and they're in Minnesota...(because of their jobs). He's staying here to finish schooling. So he and I got into a bit of an argument over what he had said. He shouldn't say something like that, he'll hurt his family's feelings and he'll sound disrespectful. 

I realized that people love others differently. For me..he is at the same level as my family because that's as high as it can get. Whereas he is able to put me above them...I feel awful...I feel like I should do the same but I can't. Perhaps I do place him first for certain things but I can't say that he's above my family...Blah

I love him though and I feel so happy and lucky that he can say such a thing. I know I'm hard to deal with because I get outrageously jealous :P *sigh* we're ok with it now, I've learned to control it and he's learned to control his jealousy as well. 

I do truly honestly hope that we will be that lucky high school couple that will stay together. I hope that in the future we will be able to settle down and have children. I know it's silly to even be thinking of it, after all I'm only 17 1/2. But I really do feel that I can be with him for the rest of my life. I accept him for who he is and I know I won't regret it. Love....is such a powerful thing...it can make one the happiest person in the world....but it can also make one the saddest person in the world. Only time can tell.....

Sick-ew-ness

Today has been so lovely. Guess what I was up to? I was sick at home all day :[ 

And it's not the simple cough cough it was the flu blahhhhhh this stinks. 

Other then being sick....things were good. I got to play Medieval on my psp and the sims on my wii. I only bought Medieval because I played it on the ps1 as a child =D good memories! The game storyline is very similar to the ps1 version and there are some graphics issues that I have with the cutscenes. I also have Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core and the cutscenes from that game are amazing. I love how it looks and so when I saw Medieval's I was a bit disappointed :\ the game is fun so far. I feel so bad for Sir Daniel Fortesque, being called a coward all the time and whatnot. 

As for the sims...it was loads fun when I was getting lots of promotions but...once I hit surgeon level =_= it takes forever to get any other skill up and I felt so lazy and dizzy. There was a bit of a glitch with the game actually, I thought that my logic and cleaning skills were all up at max :O and I got sooo excited but then after a few minutes when I checked it again, they went back down to the original -_-;. 

I watched tv for the remainder of the time (anime, random cop shows, watching freakishly huge animals on the animal channel). 

I couldn't eat much because I felt nauseous all day :\ only porridge and I'm waiting for my sister to buy it. Blehhhh this is taking toooo longggg >.< 

Someone save me from this sicknesssssssssssssss ;_; 

Thoughts of Sunday

Even though it's Tuesday, I can't help but remember and think about Sunday. 

So I'm sitting in sunday school (which I unfortunately have =_= but thankfully it's my last year) and this lady from the church choir comes in. She has to teach each grade a particular part of this song that we're singing for...hmm I can't remember if it was Easter or something else....whatever well she was teaching us. And it was the way she spoke to us and taught us that bothered me. She has a great voice but she expects us to be perfect and constantly yelled at us for not singing loud or good enough. Her voice was somewhat condescending and she didn't look at  us in the eyes when she spoke. She mentioned that if we wanted to be in the choir one day we'd have to practice our singing and not sound like cats meowing. YEAH WELL MEOW MEOW >:O

My youth group is having an issue with the choir group actually. It's quite a funny story, see I go to a Vietnamese Church so all the masses are in Vietnamese. That was fine BEFORE because there weren't many kids and teenagers going there who didn't know Vietnamese. Now there are a lot so it'd be nice to have at least English in there or have a mass to ourselves. It took a while to convince the church but our last mass, at 11:30am, is half vietnamese and half english and if they didn't speak in english they would have the english translations up on the overhead board thing. Now we want some english songs and the youth group band is prepared to join the choir. We did and that didn't work out because the choir group wanted to sing only vietnamese songs (they're adults who don't speak english much). They won't listen to our complaints or try to understand why we're having trouble with the Vietnamese. What's the point of singing a song to God if you don't know what the heck you're singing. We ask for a few simple songs. So the youth group quit choir. Now we're trying to make it so that the youth group band can be the new choir, just for the mixed language mass. But the choir group has a problem with that because they like singing and like sitting where they sit. -_-; So they were full on against it and because they're the adults they have a bit more say in it than we do. Only one adult actually was supportive of our band. The adults say that we don't have enough experience with it, well the only way to get experience is to do it many many times. But how can we get experience if we don't get a chance? So we finally get one chance. We did well and..what do you know....they're all good job good job and then during the middle of the week I receive an email from my youth group leader who then tells me that the yg band won't be doing choir anymore because the original choir has a problem with us. 

Now back to the sunday school music teacher lady, I laugh at her comment. If we wanted to be part of the choir in the future, as if. She, along with the other adults, would probably still have a problem then! T___T *fuming with anger*  

She was much meaner than she needed to be. 

That's all the venting for now...:P 

Today wasn't such a bad day hahaha XD